Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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