a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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