i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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