So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
