$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
