somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
