A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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