She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You left your phone here
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