so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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