so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
