Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
