I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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