best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
