mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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