dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
