The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
