i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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