So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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