Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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