Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
