We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
