How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
