i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
