Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
