I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
