The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
