I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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