i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
