I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
