you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
