right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
