my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
