i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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