If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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