I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
