Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
