All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my shit smells like andre
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Alive.
So much puke
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
