had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
