it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I party with great urgency now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize