The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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