I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
PANTIES FOUND
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