I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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