Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
