Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
