some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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