you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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