if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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