You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize