I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize