in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
