Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
