Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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