Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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