i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
