so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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