So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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