We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
