Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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