Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize