nut hugger
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
