New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
