I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
