Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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