I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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