i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
