Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize