I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize